You're The One For Me, Fatty

I wrote this article about Gemma Ward's retirement from modelling for 2threads a few days ago and, to celebrate/lament the ending of my internship today, I'm posting it here. Enjoy (or not, if you're a Gemma fan).

The possibility of Gemma Ward’s retirement from modelling has been looming dangerously in the fashion air like a giant fluffy pair of highly unstylish neon legwarmers for some time now. Rumours on the subject have ranged from the plausible to obscene: That she was to quit modelling in pursuit of Hollywood, that the devastation of her dear friend (and supposed lover), Heath Ledger, led her to depression/emotional eating, forcing her to quit, that she will quit Prada and the like in favour of plus sized modelling (can you spot the obscene one?). Finally however, that silly old highly excitable rumour mill can give up the speculations and head back to bed because Gemma Ward has officially announced through her agent that she has no plans to dive back into the modelling world. It’s over, folks. Gemma Ward is quitting the modelling industry. And it’s probably for the best. Hell, if I had half the amount of attention on my thighs as she does, I’d surely be in a straight jacket by now, rocking myself to sleep on an empty stomach.

Unsurprisingly, given the media’s obsession with weight, she regularly makes headlines for being either far too skinny or too ‘fat’; anorexic or a ‘roll model’. International fashion blog, Bryan Boy, hasn’t helped the publicity epidemic; whilst perhaps not saying anything particularly cruel himself (apart from that she could “Give Crystal Renn a run for her money,”) many commentors on his website have been vicious on being presented with paparazzi photos of the 22 year old sporting her new body. Insults include such comments as "homegurl needs a dose of jenny craig and were good to go." Whilst of course it’s clearly something only an idiot would say (if the subject matter wasn’t a clear enough indicator for you, you can tell by the terrible spelling and grammer), such remarks have – at least in part – been blamed for Gemma Ward's decision. Gracing the cover of Vogue for the first time at the tender age of 16 (alongside Gisele Bundchen, Natalia Vodianova and Karen Elson), it shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone that she’s put on a little weight in the last few years: It’s called puberty y’all. In the end, she looks healthy and rather than speculating on the whys, we should consider and celebrate the highlights of the wide-eyed Australian talent’s career.

The Perth-born beauty was originally discovered via Australian television series Search for a Supermodel. Remarkably, she didn’t make it into the finals but thanks to the small amount of publicity she received through the show, before long, she was signed to Vivien’s Model Management. Chris Fox (from Viven’s) remarked that her first impressions of the blonde haired, green eyed young lady were that she was simply “surreal, beautiful, very European, wide-set eyes, angelic, not a skerrick of makeup." Soon, with the help of Fox, Ward was strutting her stuff down Australian runways and a household name (in Australia). Within a year, the soon-to-be-supermodel signed to IMG and was plastered over magazines the world over. She made her runway debut at the Spring Prada show in Milan, all the while garnering masses attention due to her “alien” and “otherworldly” look. In July, 2007, she was named one of the highest paid models, according to Forbes (ranked #10).

Ward has been photographed by some of the best, including the Vogue regular Steven Meisel. In 2006, she played Grace Kelly to George Clooney’s Cary Grant in a Vanity Fair shoot, dressed to the hilt in old Hollywood glamour. She’s modelled for Valentino, Calvin Klein and Prada and stalked the most prestigious runways. The ethereal creature can lay claim to being on over 30 Vogue covers, i-D, W, Time Magazine’s Style & Design issue and Numero, to name just a few.

More recently, Ward starred in films The Stranger and Black Balloon alongside Liv Tyler and the highly respected Australian actress Toni Collette. Considering her highly successful crossover to film, it makes perfect sense for her to give up modelling in favour of a more rewarding (though perhaps not monetarily) career. Although, if she does decide to return to modelling, let’s hope that she’s welcomed with open arms because, despite what crap Lagerfeld and the like might feed us, the skin and bone phenomenon is passé. And truly? If you think Doutzen Kroes, Lara Stone or Gemma Ward are fat, you’re the one who needs a straight jacket.

Fight For Your Right To Party

I've been back in Sydney for almost a week now. You wanna know what I've spent this past week doing? Sleeping. And blowing my nose. Yep, both Bobby and I have been ill. AND jet lagged. Whilst Bobby has tried more than once to convince me it's Swine Flu that's been plaguing us, I can safely reassure the few friends I have hugged/seen since arriving back in the land of Oz that it is not Swine Flu, merely a harmless, mildly annoying cold. I reckon he just thinks it's the cool thing to have right now. Which, let's be honest, it kind of is. I heard that my friend Jess had swine flu and how she was quarantined for two weeks and all her housemates had to wear swine flu MASKS. Can you imagine? All her housemates in piggy masks? Feeding her soup? I have to admit, it sounds pretty incredible. Alas, this whole lethargy thing has meant that I haven't spent more than five minutes on the computer (total), bar the time spent filling out online forms and doing the most utterly boring and monotonous yet essential administrative work imaginable. So, no blog posts for you, my friends.

One good thing to come out of this little sickness of ours however, is that it's given both Bobs and I a little time to become acquainted with our new housemates. Indeed, the shell of our home has changed little but when I say 'new' housemates, I really do mean brand spanking new. Like, all of them. We stumbled into the living room on Tuesday night to be greeted by four strangers sitting in our living room. Since that experience, I'm quite certain that Bobby and I are entirely qualified to be professional Big Brother intruders. Hello Grace, hello Dave, hello Dom and hello Katrina. Thankfully, they're super duper awesome. Actually, the whole situation is pretty frickin' awesome. I've spent more time hanging out in the living room in the past week than I think I ever have because it's just that good. Seriously, like, if I weren't me, I'd be totally jealous. Actually, even being me I'm still kinda jealous because imagine if I could live with all these incredible folks PLUS myself. Wow. I reckon we'd get along ace. Me and me. Although, I'd have to clean up after myself, which would kind of suck. But then I would still be just as lazy so I totally wouldn't but then I'd probably get annoyed at myself cause there'd be DOUBLE the mess. Double trouble? Cool. Double junk? Not so much. Unless it's the other kind of junk. Before I blow my own mind, I'd better change the subject:

Yes, Sydney is amazing and I missed it terribly and man, my cat? Totally missed her to bits. Though, luckily, she was returned to me not literally in bits, because that would have been really sad. However, I didn't really expect (well I might've a little bit. But not as much as I do) to miss England. The fact that those Eastbourners (and Brightoners) made our leaving do the best leaving do to ever happen to anyone ever didn't exactly help. I thought Eastbourners didn't 'do' dress up parties. How wrong I was. It was frickin' amazing. A M A Z I N G. The theme was the eighties and the nineties and everyone took it as far as they could. You might think that the amount of photos that I've posted here is a lot, but spare a thought to those that were subjected to the entirety of the night's photos. Three hundred? Nope. Try five hundred and something. I'm pretty sure I crashed the Internet trying to put them all on Facebook. And they're ALL brilliant. To be honest though, it's really difficult to take a non-brilliant photo when everybody's dressed so fantastically. Everybody should definitely dress like this all the time.

Looking COOL.

As, hopefully, you might have guessed, I was Madonna from Desperately Seeking Susan.

Patent bow, I made myself. Earrings and necklances from various charity stores.
Glittery top from a pay by the kilo store in Berlin.
Belt, shoes and scarf were both thrifted in Eastbourne.
And the pants are my stay-at-home pants, from Primark.

It's a Mystery

I must apologise for the lack of posts, ladies and gents. It's been tough, tough, tough; we leave in only a matter of days and my suitcase is five kilos over the limit. What's a girl to do? The obvious solution should have been to post boxes of goodies back to Australia months ago, ensuring that all my things would be waiting for me when I arrived. Alas, I'm not one to think ahead (or to think at all, to be honest), so I'm in a bit of a rather stressful dilemma. Hopefully, if I procrastinate enough, someone else will have to deal with it. In the meantime, I'm still, very guiltily and in disguise, hitting up the charity shops as per usual. A few days ago, on one such 'hit up', I stumbled across a massive Sherlock Holmes hard cover. Having never read any Sherlock Holmes stories, I decided it was time I become acquainted with the infamous investigator. After all, it was under a pound and I convincingly convinced the boyfriend that I'd leave it in England in between my wedding shoes and a couple of owls that just wouldn't fit. That way, we all won. Except the owls. Normally, I'm quick to moan if I must lug any more than absolutely necessary to work or town but recently, I've been taking the massive book, very contentedly, everywhere with me.

Perhaps what inspired this purchase and put me in the mood for mystery and adventure was the murder mystery evening my friend Michelle hosted a couple of weeks ago. It was SO much fun. Like, the kind of fun that you imagine musicians having (when really, we know it's all just tour buses and setting up. And maybe a little drink. But the boring kind of drink. Like beer. And whisky).

Miss Jo as Dr. Sigmund Fraud: A controversial psychologist, of course. She does look however, very Sherlock Holmes, wouldn't you agree?

Hostess Michelle as 'Chocolate' Bertrand: The greatest legend of the chocolate industry (the murder was a chocolate related one).

Me, as Little Fitz: A star of the Music Halls of Europe, where my ventriloquist act (with my dummy Ziggy) proved very popular. I was supposed to wear a check suit you see, but with my dummy being named Ziggy and all, I thought it only appropriate to Bowie it up a little. The best part of it all was, almost all (or perhaps ALL) of Ziggy's scripted parts were Bowie quotes. Amazing.

Tash as Mike Bison (they were certainly very inventive names): The rising star of American boxing. Tash's costume suggestion called for jeans and a white vest. I think the above costume far exceeded all expectations.

Gemma, as Dame Barbara Carthorse, the most celebrated beauty in England.

Miss Rosie as Marchioness Duchamp: An internationally notorious artist.

And Emma as Dr Doris Johnson: Amateur archaeologist.